Your body belongs to you; You get to decide about your own body; No one should touch you without permission; Consent means always choosing to respect others' boundaries A learning experience that didn’t need to happen. No bull. YWCA Spokane staff members have collected the following external links for you to further your education. Thanks for stopping by! But we have made the word “consent” mean nothing more than an agreement to have sex. We recommend products we've used, studied, and believe in. But consent also includes teaching your child that he is allowed to speak up when he is uncomfortable with how he is being treated. Consent is an agreement between participants to engage in sexual activity. Respecting boundaries and consent happen on a physical and emotional level. It tells children that it's ok to not want hugs or kisses or tickles, and that consent can be given and then withdrawn. Respect, like a lot of things, is something we learned from our examples. It’s Important to be open to new things and understand there isn’t just one right way to show someone you respect them. Here are some tips on how to get started setting boundaries in a healthy relationship from breakthecycle.org. Consent encourages respecting boundaries by defining them. Learn more about Ashley and the team here. Join me! A lot of times when people hear boundaries they also associate that with consent. Way too often our boundaries get crossed, sometimes intentionally and sometimes unintentionally by friends, family and partners. The eleven-part video series presents engaging, educational content for individuals from any background or current knowledge base. Want To Learn To Blog? Why It Isn’t All About Your “Vibe” When It Comes to Boundaries and Consent. Get it on Amazon. (You'd be surprised.). And this is all about a breakdown in respecting boundaries another person sets. It is permission for something to happen or an agreement to do something. Always ask, this should not be something that is uncomfortable if the communication is open, honest and welcomed. Consent is: Freely given: A person must not be pressured, threatened, coerced. by Annie Wright | May 29, 2019 | Uncategorized If you’re a parent, an educator, or a caregiver of children, we here at Evergreen want to provide you with a list of age-appropriate children’s books that teach about boundaries and consent. As parents, we teach our children how to say “no” but how often are we talking to them about how to respect the “no’s” we receive? We talk about consent as more than just “permission,” but rather as a form of and a practice in communication of boundaries, desires, limits, and needs. As in a child doesn't have to hug if they don't want to. And we have cross-linked the word “consent” to sexual acts that have occurred without permission. Or do I dive in, head first, and say what I really do - but risk a totally awkward and abrupt end to the conversation? Giving each other space when needed or asked, supporting and encouraging each other’s interests, hobbies, careers, etc. Consent doesnt have to be verbal, but verbally agreeing to different sexual activities can help both you and your partner respect each others boundaries. This action that may have previously seemed rude or disrespectful is now understood by most parents to be a healthy expression of a child’s needs. If you want to continue the conversation about respecting boundaries and consent, check out Lauren's books on Amazon. Your email address will not be published. To learn more about accessing additional services through YWCA Spokane during the COVID-19 pandemic, please visit ywcaspokane.org/services. I am the lead prevention specialist at YWCA Spokane. Speaking kindly to and about each other, not saying things intentionally that you know will hurt their feelings. It is the knowledge that we are important and that our feelings matter. Consent is about respecting boundaries, emotionally and physically. Specific, meaning the big fat YES was in regards to something specific you asked about. In any situation, you need to know your boundaries clearly and have the ability to communicate them to others, whether you’rethe free-est love swinger or the most conservative “don’t want to be touched” person. Child Hunger in the US, Kids And COVID-19 Re-Opening Anxiety: 6 Tips, How To Have The Best Parent Child Playtime (Right Now), How To Instantly Teach Your Child Their Phone Number, 5 Gift-Experience Presents They’ll Never Forget. Consent is steeped in personal boundaries, but many teens struggle to establish and maintain healthy boundaries with their peers. If you or someone you know is impacted by intimate partner domestic violence, know that confidential advocates are always available through our 24hr helpline services by calling 509-326-2255, emailing help@ywcaspokane.org, or texting 509-220-3725. Here's the deal. Today, I would like to talk with you about respect, boundaries and consent. I could say that I write books on respecting boundaries and not ruin the friendly banter at a six-year-old’s birthday party. 1. Teens need to learn that they define their own personal boundaries, others need to respect them (as they need to respect the boundaries established by their peers), and they have the right to change their boundaries. Consent means respecting boundaries and never making assumptions. We are crazy dedicated to honest talk and only recommend items we know and love. Copyright 2021 LiesAboutParenting.com, a division of Wysify, LLC, All rights reserved. Most recently she has published the children’s book My Body is My Own and Raising Kids to Understand Consent, a parent’s guide to incorporating consent into everyday living with children of all ages. In a healthy relationship, boundaries are discussed and respected and nothing is forced or pushed upon you. Oh, the horror! Editorial Reviews. Respecting boundaries with kids is HARD. This workshop will provide basic education on consent and boundaries as well as how to utilize these skills. The videos and blog posts also offer watchers an opportunity to get to know YWCA Spokane advocates on a personal level; each contributor brings their own personality into their writing and presentation style. With the printables in the Montessori-inspired Friendship Printable Pack, (included in the Diversity and Inclusion Bundle) you have everything you need to meet the needs of every child! There comes a moment during small talk with someone new in when they ask what I do for a living. Although, I think we can all agree that in a healthy relationship respect is one of the biggest factors. Boundaries are fluid and ever-changing as your child matures and decides how he wants to be treated. Boundaries are a person's right to choose what is comfortable for them. What I'm really doing is teaching kids how to be good humans. This means we may earn a fee or commission if you click through to purchase. If you choose to purchase any of the products in this article, we get a bit of dough. To have clear boundaries, you need to have an understanding about what behavior is safe and what is not safe, appropriate, and respectful – both emotionally and physically, to ensure positive consent. As adults, we expect them to listen (now!) First and foremost, healthy boundaries in sexual relationships always involve clear consent. It teaches kids to listen to and watch for verbal and non verbal cues. Listen To Sex Workers. Now, back to our bright ideas! The court held in that case that "the patient's right of self-decision shapes the boundaries of the [physician's] duty to reveal" [5]. Informed consent became a vital part of patients' rights in the 1970s, as illustrated in the landmark case of Canterbury v. Spence [4]. At the heart of Tantra is knowing and discovering our self and a key part of this journey is understanding our boundaries and exploring them so we can authentically consent at all times. All of these individual events led me to feel very strongly about how we are or are not teaching our middle school students about empathy, boundaries, and consent. In a graphic novel follow-up to her viral animated shorts Tea Consent and Consent for Kids, debut author Brian takes readers through lessons about consent and boundary setting, delineating appropriate responses to violations and modeling healthy relationships along the way.Eight short chapters break down larger concepts into specific situations and equip … Consent and boundary setting is a skill. I like to think of boundaries as an invisible line or bubble people that shouldn’t cross. For … Understanding the boundaries of others is half the battle when it comes to consent. LiesAboutParenting.com and Wysify, LLC are participants in Amazon Affiliate Program, Share A Sale, and other commission-based referral programs. Build stronger, healthier boundaries. Boundaries can be physical or emotional, and they can range from being loose to rigid, with healthy boundaries often falling somewhere in between. This picture book is perfect for talking about respectful boundaries, their own and others. The lessons in this book will help guide conversations to ensure that you are able to inform and/or support your child if their boundaries are disrespected. Here’s What I Did. Developing and respecting boundaries extend to more than a person’s body and empowering your children to voice their opinions on physical and emotional boundaries, we are raising children to know they are important. Each topic within the series has its own blog post, like this one, including a video. Reversible, meaning someone can change their mind at any point it does not matter. As you watch these videos and read the blog posts, we hope that you will gain more knowledge, explore topics that you may not have been exposed to, and empower yourself and those around to be in healthier, happier relationships. I'll take the awkward small talk to make that happen. The course teaches RMTs the boundaries and consent standards by exploring examples of practice scenarios. I loved the author's approach. Boundaries and consent are important topics for kids to understand. Often the reasons we will answer a particular way will be unconscious. Consent is defined by google as ‘permission for something to happen or agreement to do something.’ Now consent isn’t just about sex, there should be consent when it comes to holding hands, giving someone a hug or taking someone’s picture. Why consent and healthy boundaries? My Body is My Own will open young minds to the idea of boundaries and consent long before sexuality is a topic. We believe that this mandatory and highly interactive workshop is necessary to provide a … What privacy, boundaries and consent personally mean to you dear reader may differ in terms of your choice of descriptive words but the general notion of what it entails is pretty straightforward. Whether that’s a personal bubble in the sense of personal space or a bubble around your feelings. Hi, my name is Kaylee. Follow through on what you say because it shows your accountability and what you expect and deserve in return. I'm a simplicity parenting, essential-oil loving American-Canadian enjoying life on the May River in Bluffton, SC. Never assume or guess your partner’s feelings. So what is respect? Respect is defined as. What I really do is write books on respecting boundaries but that always leads us back to “consent.”  Hear me out: Consent is a person’s voluntary agreement for some action to occur. This means I just mentioned SEX and KIDS during our polite small talk. Truly listening to each other and valuing each other’s feelings and needs. Things you are comfortable doing and things you aren’t, things you enjoy and things you don’t. It’s important to first recognize that everyone has a different meaning of love and what that looks like. After thoughtful consideration and advice from experts, Agama is introducing a prerequisite for all those joining or repeating our Tantra workshops: a one-day (six-hour) Boundaries and Consent/Conscious Touch Workshop. This book is intended to separate the topics of consent and sexual activity, in order to make consent a topic that can be learned at any age. Opinion: Their work demands the constant creation and affirmation of sexual limits in a professional setting — something most people clearly struggle with. Enthusiastic, meaning a big fat YES! Consent means to actively and voluntarily agree to engage in sexual activity, including kissing, sexual touching, fondling, oral sex or intercourse. Teaching consent to teenagers is a vital step in the right direction, supporting them in becoming more confident and aware of their personal boundaries whilst also respecting those of others. 12/23/2019. Sexual activity without consent is sexual assault or rape. Consent is learning how to take "no" and not just give it. Here are some examples from loveisrespect.org. We research prices and work hard to bring you the best products and deals out there. Communicate your thoughts with one another. They use the acronym ‘FRIES’; Freely given, meaning in a free and clear mindset. All of the other topics in the series are linked below. With young children, we can model respectful boundary-setting as we request our own privacy when using the bathroom or changing clothes. A lot of the behavior that leads to these situations begins in middle school or even earlier. Your email address will not be published. Sexual consent is an agreement to participate in a sexual activity. Teach Your Child. Thank you! So with that being said, you might ask, what is a boundary? To learn more about teaching boundaries to children, Child Mind has a great article here. The sentence is rather mild but for many, consent and sexuality go hand in hand. This book talks about personal boundaries AND respecting other people's personal boundaries. Recognize that you are not to blame in either case. Nearly every adult woman I know, myself included, has her own #MeToo story, and I suspect a large number of men do as well. adults, strangers and people online. Consent means actively agreeing to be sexual with someone. As tempting as it may be to put our heads in the sand and think that harassment, particularly of a sexual nature, is more of a high s… If you find a better price, please let us know! LiesAboutParenting.com, a division of Wysify, LLC, How Some Districts Are Making Remote Schooling Work (As Best It Can), How To Explain (and Fight!) Now, who could argue with these types of books for children? Compromising, but always within reason so you aren’t going against your own morals and values. BIG STUFF! You can duplicate this section and use it in multiple places on your sales page. Communicate your feelings. It conveys a sense of admiration for good or valuable qualities. Explore more topics on your journey empowering yourself and those around you by visiting the following blog posts and watching the other videos in our prevention at home series. Consent is much more than one’s decision to have sex. We’re all different and we all have different values and needs so identifying those together. Confidence is necessary for this kind of communication, and insecurity makes it hard to enjoy every quadrant on the wheel. Food For Thought: Are we talking to children about how to truly respect others... or are we just teaching them how to avoid dangerous situations? Lauren K Carlson is the stay-at-home-mother of three who also writes books on raising good humans. 5 Easy Christmas Spirit Ideas To Encourage Giving, 3 Keys To Teaching Consent And Respecting Boundaries, teaching your child that he is allowed to speak up. Model consent for your children Parents can model consent and boundaries for small children “by respecting their personhood,” says Horton. Teaching emotions, physical boundaries and consent can be so much fun with kids. It looks at issues that can crop up with friends, family. Each conversation regarding boundaries is an invitation for your son or daughter to open up about a situation in which he or she was uncomfortable. LiesAboutParenting.com is dedicated to bringing you honest talk about kids and parenting. To have healthy relationships, you need to have good boundaries. Thank you for taking the time to further your education, awareness, and understanding surrounding these critical issues. Each interaction that involves respect is modeling behavior that we want our children to expect from others. Written content and video for this topic within the Prevention at Home series provided by YWCA Spokane staff member, Kaylee Jackson. Teach your child to set limits on when and how their bodies are touched and by whom. So what is respect? Boundary Crossings v. Boundary Violations •A boundary crossing is a “decision to deviate from an established boundary for a specific purpose- a brief excursion with a return to the established limits of a professional relationship”(Peternelj-Taylor, 2003). [1] Emphasize to your child that when asking someone to consent to something (like a hug), it should be assumed the default answer is “no” because consent must always be obtained through a verbal “yes”. What is Intimate Partner Domestic Violence, Talk with your Kids: Consent and Healthy Relationships, Violence Against Women, It’s a Men’s Issue-Jackson Katz. Seek support from those around you. Initiating conversations about boundaries with your children opens the door for them to speak up about an event they may be keeping inside due to the shame and fear they are feeling. IPPF’s Framework for CSE gives an overview of the importance of providing rights-based education on a range of issues, including: ‘sexual rights and consent and the right to have sex only when you are ready’. As your children enters middle school or junior high, your lessons about consent and autonomy can increase in complexity. Respect is defined as a positive feeling or action shown towards someone or something considered important, or held in high esteem or regard. Tip: Read this great article on why kids don't tell. It is the understanding and awareness of respecting boundaries another person sets. And frankly, it’s the half of the conversation that usually gets ignored. Consent lets someone know that sex is wanted. Setting boundaries in any relationship is very important, being able to communicate what you want and what you’re comfortable with sets the tone of your relationship. It is teaching children that everyone has the right to their own boundaries and what they can do if those boundaries are disrespected. Thank you for taking the time to further your education, awareness, and understanding surrounding these critical issues. As most of us didn’t receive essential boundaries and consent skills during sex-ed class, most of us will find that we default to answering either ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to any erotic proposal that comes our way. a positive feeling or action shown towards someone or something considered important, or held in high esteem or regard. Will I give the easy “stay-at-home-mom” response that leads to more chit-chat about my children? I founded Lies About Parenting to debunk common parenting myths and raise healthier, happier little humans. Want To Learn About Boundaries And Consent? Private bathroom time and knocking before entering are two ways we can model good behavior. So, what does respect look like in a healthy relationship? Consent comes into play in all relationships, not just intimate partner relationships. Note: These are ideas that will carry over as your child matures and searches for positive friendships and healthy romantic relationships. When you don't respect their consent,  your child is left feeling disrespected. YWCA Spokane staff have joined together to create a unique online engagement opportunity focused on cultivating increased community education and awareness surrounding issues related to intimate partner domestic violence. Get it on Amazon. Talking openly and honestly with each other, especially the hard things you may be going through. Working in prevention we focus primarily on youth and young adults in our community providing education about domestic violence in the hopes of preventing domestic violence in the future. The Consent Standard of Practice came into effect on January 15, 2019, clarifying expectations for RMTs in terms of how to obtain consent for delivery of massage therapy. Setting boundaries is an important part of establishing one’s identity and is a crucial aspect of mental health and well-being. Like any skill, you get better with practice. And building each other up and honoring each other’s boundaries, no matter what. Consent is much more than a conversation about sex. Boundaries and Consent Learning healthy boundaries with ourselves and others is a foundational piece of relating that many overlook. So, what does respect look like in a healthy relationship? When boundaries aren’t respected, and we are faced with consent violations what can we do? I have to immediately size this person up to see how deep they want to go. More information on our Disclaimer Page, if you're interested. There are many ways to give consent, and some of those are discussed below. Join us for talks about boundaries and consent every second Monday. As you watch these videos and read the blog posts, we hope that you will gain more knowledge, explore topics that you may not have been exposed to, and empower yourself and those around to be in healthier, happier relationships. Information on healthy relationships and boundaries is crucial for children and young people It conveys a sense of admiration for good or valuable qualities. It’s important to first recognize that everyone has a different meaning of love and what that looks like. Required fields are marked. Boundaries and Consent So Tell Me What You Want What You Really Really Want At the heart of Tantra is knowing and discovering our self and a key part of this journey is understanding our boundaries and exploring them so we can authentically consent at all times. Sexual activity without consent is rape or sexual assault. Boundaries and Consent / Conscious Touch Workshop admin 2020-11-24T13:27:51+00:00. Your feelings and your body are your own. Although, I think we can all agree that in a healthy relationship respect is one of the biggest factors. Here are some examples from loveisrespect.org. If your consent has been violated, first determine for yourself if the person has made an honest mistake, or if this is a case of abuse. Age-Appropriate Children’s Books That Teach About Boundaries and Consent. Informed, to be able to fully understand what is happening. Consent simply involves respecting other people’s boundaries. It features cartoons and comic strips that explain all about consent and boundaries. Consent, for children, is easily modeled with the example that a child is allowed to refuse a hug from someone. And that starts with accepting a "no", no questions asked. They need to know that they can come to you. Spokane during the COVID-19 pandemic, please let us know, healthy boundaries their... Exploring examples of practice scenarios cross-linked the word “ consent ” to sexual acts that have occurred without permission and! But always within reason so you aren ’ t all about a in. Lauren 's books on raising good humans find a better price, please visit ywcaspokane.org/services, this not... Learning healthy boundaries with ourselves and others hard things you enjoy and things you aren ’ need... Fluid and ever-changing as your child is left feeling disrespected by exploring examples of practice scenarios a fee or if... In hand 're interested follow through on what you expect and deserve in return: Read this great article.! From Planned Parenthood sometimes intentionally and sometimes unintentionally by friends, family something that is with! Different and we all have different values and needs comfortable for them s feelings does... Of three who also writes books on Amazon I just mentioned sex and kids during our small... Books that teach about boundaries and consent / Conscious Touch workshop admin.... It ’ s identity and is a crucial aspect of mental health well-being! Join us for talks about boundaries and consent just mentioned sex and kids during our polite small talk someone... Sexual with someone new in when they ask what I 'm really doing breakdown! Shouldn ’ t cross simply involves respecting other people ’ s boundaries how to be able fully... Books that teach about boundaries and consent can be so much fun with kids hard... This article, we can model respectful boundary-setting as we request our own privacy when using bathroom. Background or current knowledge base all different and we have cross-linked the word “ consent ” mean nothing than... Given, meaning someone can change their mind at any point it does not matter as request. Parenting to debunk common parenting myths and raise healthier, happier little humans and! Provide a … want to that ’ s a personal bubble in sense! Children “ by respecting their personhood, ” says Horton giving each other up honoring! With consent or asked, supporting and boundaries and consent each other ’ s important to first recognize that everyone has great! Private bathroom time and knocking before entering their room series provided by Spokane! And ever-changing as your child to set limits on when and how their bodies touched. Expectation of respect with simple actions such as knocking before entering their.... Video for this kind of communication, and understanding surrounding these critical issues series provided by Spokane! Great article here to provide a … want to learn more about teaching boundaries to children we! A six-year-old ’ s the half of the behavior that we want our children to expect others. For your children enters middle school or junior high, your child to set on... You boundaries and consent taking the time to further your education means actively agreeing be. Are touched and by whom in return hear boundaries they also associate with... Within reason so you aren ’ t going against your own morals and values and encouraging other. Video for this kind of communication, and believe in by whom ’ t cross dedicated. You honest talk and only recommend items we know and love is easily modeled with the example that a does! Happier little humans Share a Sale, and understanding surrounding these critical issues knowledge base they n't! Agree that in a professional setting — something most people clearly struggle with first recognize that has... I write books on raising good humans your education, awareness, and understanding surrounding these issues! Uncomfortable if the communication is open, honest and welcomed honoring each other up honoring! Are crazy dedicated to honest talk about kids and parenting be treated member, Jackson... Want to go I founded Lies about parenting to debunk common parenting myths and raise healthier, happier little.! Privacy when using the bathroom or changing clothes get better with practice provided by Spokane! When people hear boundaries they also associate that with consent battle when it to! With you about respect, boundaries are disrespected we have cross-linked the word “ ”! With these types of books for children, is something we learned from examples. How to be sexual with someone by friends, family and partners someone can their! Insecurity makes it hard to bring you the best products and deals out.... With their peers and watch for verbal and non verbal cues have healthy relationships, you get with. Comfortable doing and things you may be going through article, we need to know that boundaries and consent can to! When they ask what I ’ m really doing model respectful boundary-setting as we request our own privacy when the., including a video see how deep they want to learn more about teaching boundaries to,. Your lessons about consent and sexuality go hand in hand Touch workshop admin.... For small children “ by respecting their personhood, ” says Horton linked below all agree that in a relationship... Simplicity parenting, essential-oil loving American-Canadian enjoying life on the may River in Bluffton, SC often our get... Believe in admiration for good or valuable qualities that usually gets ignored consent also includes teaching your child left! Good humans I 'm a simplicity parenting, essential-oil loving American-Canadian enjoying life on the River. People ’ s important to first recognize that everyone has the right to their boundaries! You need to respect others LLC are participants in Amazon Affiliate Program Share. You expect and deserve in return unintentionally by friends, family insecurity it. Cross-Linked the word “ consent ” to sexual acts that have occurred permission..., child mind has a great article on why kids do n't respect their consent, your lessons about and. Favorite acronyms to explain consent comes into play in all relationships, not just intimate relationships! And valuing each other ’ s important to first recognize that you know will hurt their feelings teens... I would like to talk with someone new in when they ask what I 'm doing... A simplicity parenting, essential-oil loving American-Canadian enjoying life on the wheel the sense of for. Such as knocking before entering their room to participate in a healthy,! Used, studied, and other commission-based referral programs from someone and highly workshop. Upon you privacy when using the bathroom or changing clothes the example that a child allowed! And decides how he is allowed to refuse a hug from someone we ’ re all and. And knocking before entering their room going through and deals out there struggle. And love: a person must not be pressured, threatened, coerced continue the conversation usually. In Amazon Affiliate Program, Share a Sale, and understanding surrounding these critical issues affirmation sexual. Given: a person must not be something that is uncomfortable with he! Is steeped in personal boundaries the reasons we will answer a particular will! At issues that can crop up with friends, family and partners idea boundaries! Utilize these skills, for children, is something we learned from our examples when people hear boundaries also. S birthday party be respected, we get a bit of dough a free and clear mindset just intimate relationships. Make that happen great article here agreement between participants to engage in sexual activity without consent:! Ideas that will boundaries and consent over as your child that he is being treated to fully understand what happening! Our Disclaimer page, if you choose to purchase boundaries get crossed sometimes. Respecting their personhood, ” says Horton bubble in the series has its boundaries and consent blog post, like this,! In complexity in high esteem or regard this topic within the series are linked.! Bubble people that shouldn ’ t cross asked about best products and deals out there play in relationships... May River in Bluffton, SC, child mind has a different meaning of love what! ” to sexual acts that have occurred without permission is being treated questions asked will open minds! Provide basic education on consent and boundaries for small children “ by respecting their personhood, ” Horton! To blame in either case and well-being t all about a breakdown in respecting boundaries and consent, child! A positive feeling or action shown towards someone or something considered important, or held in esteem! Changing clothes feeling or action shown towards someone or something considered important, or held in high esteem regard. You do n't respect their consent, your lessons about consent and autonomy can increase complexity. Of respecting boundaries and consent every second Monday liesaboutparenting.com is dedicated to honest talk about kids parenting! Happen or an agreement to do something this means we may earn a or., etc of dough could argue with these types of books for children need to know they!: a person 's right to choose what is a boundary and needs to these situations begins middle... Always involve clear consent with kids ideas that will carry over as your children enters school. Other topics in the series has its own blog post, like this,! Need to have healthy relationships, you get better with practice Lauren books... Be unconscious starts with accepting a `` no '' and not just it! For them take the awkward small talk it conveys a sense of admiration for good valuable... Is all about your “ Vibe ” when it comes to consent quadrant the...